Words of wisdom from someone else who is as mad as a Hatter. Live life on your own terms, go in the direction you want,  and never let anyone dull your unique sparkle! What a revolutionary concept! If only we could all embrace our individuality and start living the badass life of supreme AWESOMENESS we were meant to. Oh wait! WE CAN!
Step 1: Start with reading my very short, somewhat autobiographical, novella entitled ULTIMATE SUPER NINJA SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR THE SURVIVAL OF THE 'FIT'POCALYPSE LEAD BY A MOB OF HATER VILLAINS DISGUISED AS NORMAL PEOPLE. The title is still being reviewed by my team of editors.
Step 2: Realize the ULTIMATE SUPER NINJA SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR THE SURVIVAL OF THE 'FIT'POCALYPSE LEAD BY A MOB OF HATER VILLAINS DISGUISED AS NORMAL PEOPLE is in fact an ebook that you have to buy through iTunes and decide to read my short summary below instead.
This is actually step one in the ULTIMATE SUPER...the book, but since I already used Step 1 and 3 above I decided to avoid confusion and just continue with Step 3. Anyways. Who are the villains you say? They are the individuals who rain on your parade of health and fitness awesomeness. They come in many shapes, sizes, and levels of obnoxiousness. Recognizing them is the first step in preventing their poisonous stench of negativity from ruining your inevitable greatness. Some characteristics to watch for:
- they respond with an eye roll when you order grilled chicken, with a double side of steamed broccoli and water with lemon on ladies margarita night. how dare you ruin the tradition of nursing a three day hangover with half a cold pizza and a tub of Ben n' Jerry's.
- they read in [insert magazine title here] that kissing burns 342 calories in a minute so clearly your need to go to the gym 5 days a week is obsessive and unhealthy and you should prioritize your life according to their divine wisdom
- they heard from a friend of a friend that lifting heavy weights will turn you into a unicorn, running long distances will give you Alzheimer's, yoga will make you go bald, and crossfit breaks down your tooth enamel due to the reaction between your skin and a kettlebell, the only way you can get the body of a victoria secret runway model is by eating a shake/smoothie of overripe bananas, coconut oil, and cotton candy at 4:02 am and then hula hooping on a bosu ball for an hour while holding your breath. basically if you are not doing what works for them you are doing it WRONG. so you might as well quit now.
- the number of passive aggressive statuses on their facebook timeline about the long term negative effects of Baconator deprivation increases exponentially...and you are tagged in them
Villains can be your family, friends, coworkers, significant others, or strangers in line at the supermarket. They have an opinion about the way you live your life and you must adopt their viewpoint immediately if you are to save yourself from certain demise. I call bullshit.
Since violent behavior is discouraged and generally results in legal implications I do not recommend actually punching people in the face. Even if they could really use a high five in the face with a chair. Remember that the mob of hater villains really are just people like you and I. They too dream of success and sometimes seeing you succeed in an aspect that they cannot succeed in is too much to handle. They are stuck in a vortex of negativity and self loathing and rather than facing insecurities and the fear of failure they try to suck you into the vortex with them. Because misery loves company. Remember that only the ones who are below you can pull you down. Don't let them. Instead punch them in the face with kindness, respect, positivity, and love. Who knows maybe one day they will join you in the bliss you enjoy.
Remember that you and you alone are in charge of your life. Whether you defeat your villains by communicating with them and coming to an understanding about what is acceptable and what is not in your relationship or whether you decide to eliminate these villains altogether. That is your choice. Sometimes we have to sacrifice the people in our lives who are not contributing in a positive way to our well being and learning to do that shows strength and self respect. And while this particular narrative used health and fitness as an example, these strategies apply to any aspect of your life. At the end of the day you cannot take care of others unless you first take care of yourself so do what YOU need to do, for YOU (just like Johnny recommended) so that you be the ultimate YOU and can do what YOU were meant to do. For the world.
Cause it is now 1:30 am and I should not be allowed near a computer unsupervised when I am this tired. Until next time. Super Ninja out ;-)